Tim Keller was an inner-city pastor and brilliant teacher. In his podcast, “Walking with God through Pain and Suffering,” he shared his some of his research for his book, “Walking with God Through Pain and Suffering.”
He said, “Pain and suffering makes us all small.” I find this is true. In my grief, I feel small and weak, like I have no control over anything, including myself. Grief has robbed me of my future. Every plan I had included Deb. Now those plans are trashed. Now, I really don’t have any plans. I had the false notion that life was predictable. Now I have nothing.
The truth is, I never really had any control. I’m uncomfortably dependent upon God and others. Deb died two months ago and I’m still having people feed me through house visits and left overs. The only thing I can make right now is eggs, hashbrowns and toast, something any preteen can make. At what point will I be responsible for my food?
Keller said suffering is like “the Great Wall of China;” it’s impossible to get around it. So much of my mind is trying to circumvent my suffering that I’m losing focus on what God is trying to do in me. One therapist suggested, “You can’t heal what you can’t feel.” I think she is right, but I wish she wasn’t. Actually, I’m kind of mad at her for even suggesting that I have to feel my feelings. But I don’t think it’s her I’m actually mad at, it’s reality. I don’t want to face reality. I’m uncomfortably open to denial and distraction. I don’t want to be submerged in a sea of loss. BUT, I guess I can’t get around it. I guess I need to go through this pain. But I simply want it all to go away so I can get back to normal. I long for normal.
But Jesus understood these feelings. He anticipated them. His grief was much worse than mine ever will be. Before he died, he said these words:
“I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world, you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.” John 16:33 (MSG)
Jesus told us we were going to “experience difficulties,” with the primary reason for the difficulties being “this godless world.” Sin has brought death and separation into our world, something not part of his plan. Mankind is responsible for the sin. We rebelled against him. We are now paying for that rebellion (just like my prisoners are).
But he didn’t leave us there. God offers us redemption; he died in our spot. These difficulties Jesus is talking about are not optional, they are inevitable. Jesus has overcome sin, so he alone is able to offer us peace. My desire to not experience difficulties is not honored by God or by reality. I need to change my expectations in order to see him more clearly. He is bigger than my problems. Still, I must experience my pain to experience his healing. As I trust him more, I can handle more pain, because my God is greater than the separation I fear.
My culture does not see life on this plain. It demands constant entertainment, with distractions of cell phones, social media and videos. We can’t be in a doctor’s waiting room for more than a few seconds before our patience is maxed. We can’t even wait at a stop light without checking our social media status. Romans 12:2 (MSG) says,
“Don’t become so well adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without thinking,”
I need to be different than those around me. I need to experience my pain, knowing that
God, who’s already conquered my problems, will somehow use it for his honor.
Keller reviewed a cultural anthropologist who compared the US culture to other cultures across history. They found our culture to be “the worst culture to teach us how to handle suffering.” In our pleasure-based, Godless world, suffering has no meaning. It’s seen as a problem to be avoided, something a pill can (or should) take care of. It’s viewed as interruption of one’s life story, and interruption that needs to be numbed. From this worldview, suffering is a problem that needs to be fixed.
But that is madness. How can you live life without suffering. How can you give birth without pain? How can you grow without discomfort? Who can get stronger without resistance? And since everyone dies, how can you side step grief and loss? Is that even conceivable? Keller suggests we don’t allow enough time to think. By not providing ourselves space enough to grapple with life, we live shallow lives. We don’t read and can’t think critically, so we ignore the glaring problem of pain as we watch the next streaming service.
We are too wimpy to even have a conflicted conversation where people from opposite views share their ideas. We vilify the “other side” within seconds (or before we even talk) and consider the discussion over before it started. We are too frail to disagree without melting into a tantrum.
Most of the Bible is about men and women who have suffered greatly, and have brought God into their suffering to make sense out of it. Their pain and injustice were not the end of the story. They went through their pain and gave God the glory on the other side of it. Take some time and read the small book of 1 Peter. You will learn about suffering. You may have overlooked Peter’s Epistle in the past but its theme is perseverance through suffering.
“Dear friends, don’t be bewildered or surprised when you go through the fiery trials ahead, for this is no strange, unusual thing that is going to happen to you. Instead, be really glad—because these trials will make you partners with Christ in his suffering, and afterwards you will have the wonderful joy of sharing his glory in that coming day when it will be displayed. Be happy if you are cursed and insulted for being a Christian, for when that happens the Spirit of God will come upon you with great glory.” 1 Peter 4:12-14 (TLB)
Our Savior did nothing wrong, yet they stripped him naked, tortured him, and hung him on a cross to die a shameful death. Christianity is the only faith that has its Savior suffered and died at the hands of men who hated him. Muslims believe Jesus was a prophet, but deny he was actually killed on a cross. That would make him weak. So why did Jesus do this? Read what the writer of Hebrews said: The writer of Hebrews said Jesus did for the joy
“Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever.” Hebrews 12:2 (MSG)
Jesus is our example. This is what we are called to as Jesus followers. He’s our calling.
When I experience grief, I need to remember that the only reason I hurt so much is because I loved so much. God had made the two of us one. God had me love this good woman for 32 years. Of course, her loss would be painful. Suffering is a way I can honor my Jesus.
Part of my problem is, I am a member of my culture. I can’t blame them for my problems, it just means I have to work hard to change my mindset. I want “my rights.” But God calls me to something better. He calls me to himself. He wants me to find meaning in suffering. After his wife died, my friend John said, “I don’t want to waste this.” He wanted to use his pain to further God’s kingdom. Instead of numbing, I need to go deep into the pain. I need to surrender it to Jesus and see what he wants me to do. As Augustine suggested, I need to reorder my disordered loves.
For me, that means less TV, and more reading and writing. Less radio, more silence. God has put me in a perfect situation where I can dedicate long drafts of time to my writing without ignoring any relationships. There is no one here, so I have freedom to invest in my writing without neglecting anyone. I can use the silence and solitude Henri Nouwen recommended to learn more about my God and his plan for me. Silence helps me listen. And, I find I’m learning more about myself in this process, as the mystic suggested. This new self-awareness is a byproduct – a secondary gain of my efforts to know Jesus more.
God is doing something in me, or at least trying to. I need to get on the same page as him. He has something good for me, I just can’t see it yet.
Keller brings out is that suffering does not necessarily make us better people. It has the potential, but if I focus on numbing the pain, I miss out on a journey that could change me. Grief doesn’t make me a better man; it is the soil that I could grow in, or I could wither. The choice is mine. Keller shared a story of two men who both experience tragedy. One came to hope in Jesus, the other cursed God for his pain. It’s not the circumstance that creates character, it’s how we handle the circumstances. A deeper relationship with God is available, it’s just usually not high on our priority list. Sometimes, we get consumed with the mundane.
I am the only one to blame for my sin. Surrender is a choice. One I always have.
The writer Rick Riordan uses Greek mythology to communicate deep truths of our human condition. In the story of Percy Jackson, Riordan uses an adventure of this present day “demi-god” to illustrate stories of Greek gods. The Titans (usually evil things) fight against Percy and against humanity, so Percy finds himself in the middle of a battle that no one else sees. Percy surrounded himself with friends as they fight these creatures. After fighting battles with bloodshed and violence, he escapes to a Las Vegas like place called, “The Lotus Hotel and Casino.” The hero has fought many powerful creatures, but it was the Lotus Hotel that almost destroyed him and his team. The Lotus Hotel was different, it’s evil was not found in pain or violence, but in pleasure. According to the “Riordan Wiki,” “anyone entering would never want to leave.” It lures people with “addictive games, food, and other activities, combined with the unlimited money on plastic cards. Guests seem to never age because time is severely dilated, elapsing at a much slower rate than it passes in the outside world.”
Percy and his friends are almost beaten by pleasure, lost in the mystical good time, distracted from the goal of the war they are in. Some of his friends even forgot they were in a battle.
The parallel for our spiritual battle is clear. We are engaged in petty, fun activities and forget we are engaged in a life and death war with Satan. Our culture has made us forget what’s really important, and has made us soft in the process. We’ve forgotten our first love, or that we even need a Savior. We are so inundating with pleasure some of us don’t have the strength to leave their parent’s basement and get a job. Men in their 30’s are acting like 14-year-olds, unable to tolerate conflict of any kind. We’ve lost the plot.
The war is real, and the war is for our attention. What we give our attention to defines our priorities and what we worship. God offers life, but this life is filled with pain and sorrow. Serving him helps me clarify my priorities. The truth is, I’ve wasted a great deal of time in the Lotus Hotel, and I need to catch a vision of why God calls me chosen. I need to see life as he does.
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“Trying to put my pain behind brought me to many dead ends…Sometimes I wondered if I was losing my mind. The old rules did not apply anymore. I felt as if I had been dropped by parachute into a different country where I had no map and everyone spoke a foreign language.” -Cathleen L. Curry, “When Your Spouse Dies.”